Quickie Book Review: "'Star Wars': Death Troopers" by Joe Schreiber

Author: Joe Schreiber Publisher: Lucas Books Originally Published: October 2009

Synopsis: When the Imperial prison barge Purge—temporary home to five hundred of the galaxy's most ruthless killers, rebels, scoundrels and thieves—breaks down in a distant, uninhabited part of space, its only hope seems to lie with a Star Destroyer found drifting, derelict, and seemingly abandoned. But when a boarding party is sent to scavenge for parts, only half of them come back—bringing with them a horrific disease so lethal that within hours, nearly all aboard the Purge will die in ways too hideous to imagine.

And death is only the beginning.

The Purge's half-dozen survivors—two teenage brothers, a sadistic captain of the guards, a couple of rogue smugglers and the chief medical officer, the lone woman on board—will do whatever it takes to stay alive. But nothing can prepare them for what lies waiting onboard the Star Destroyer amid its vast creaking emptiness that isn't really empty at all. The dead are rising, soulless, unstoppable, and unspeakably hungry. (Taken from Wookieepedia's article on the novel)

Review: For the first time ever, I didn't come up with my own synopsis just because I didn't know how to discuss this travesty of a novel without sounding negative.  A Star Wars horror novel doesn't just sound like a bad idea, it is! Granted, Han Solo and Chewie may appear in this book, but, if Victoria Justice acted and sang in the next Saw flick, would it be an episode of VICTORiOUS? Definitely not!  The best thing I can say is that, though it is decidedly creepy, Death Troopers keeps things relatively restrained content-wise; however, even those old enough to not be seriously frightened by it should read another Star Wars novel, such as Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn or I, Jedi by Michael A. Stackpole, just because of how terrible this one is artistically.  Avoid this one.

Score: 1.5/5